The time I tried to get legendary porn star Rocco Siffredi to star in my music video...

The inimitable Ian Schranz is known for his musical activities in bands such as Beangrowers, The Shh and Bark Bark Disco, and so much else besides. And by 'so much else' we also mean that time he tried to get legendary Italian porn star Rocco Siffredi to appear in a music video...

Ian Schranz:
Ian Schranz: "In Malta if you personally know 80% of your audience and have delusions of grandeur and act too seriously, you're a cock"

Could you tell us about some of your main activities?

I write songs, play in a band, illustrate and design for money and raise my daughter.

If you could control what people found when they Googled ‘lan Schranz', what would you like them to find?

I just Google searched myself, and now I’m super paranoid.

Because at this point you’re fairly well known, mesa. Because at this point, you’re fairly well known as being the driving force behind Bark Bark Disco - along with acts like Beangrowers and The Shh. Bark Bark Disco is a very playful band. Do you think other Maltese bands are too serious?

Having a good work ethic is crucial and your music needs to mean the world to you. But locally, if you personally know 80% of your audience and have delusions of grandeur and act too seriously, you’re a cock.

You also dabble in illustration and filmmaking. How do you find time for all this stuff?

A combination of very little sleep, an undiagnosed hyperactivity disorder and not knowing how to say no stuff.

If you had to give three pieces of advice to others who are considering pursuing a similar creative path as you, what would they be?

Be super friendly and easy to work with. If you’re “considering" pursuing a path, don’t bother. it should be inevitable. You're a craftsman not an artist, you can never be a dick.

What are some of the best things about living in Malta? And the worst?

Being able to meet the people that you care about regularly is amazing. The lack of natural spaces is very sad & I miss being able to be completely anonyomous.

How does lan Schranz deal with a really, really hot day on the island?

I don’t go outside between 11:00 and 19:00. I’m like a vampire, dashing from shade to shade.

Final question: You once tried to get the legendary ltalian porn actor Rocco Siffredi to collaborate on a project of yours. Coul you tell us how that went?

I asked him to star in a Bark Bark Disco video, but he told me he didn’t like my music and instead liked Rammstein. I then managed to get him special passes to meet Rammstein, so he took me for lunch in Budapest to say thanks. Best three hours of my life. I tried to act like I wasn’t a huge fan. I arrived late to lunch and played it super-cool.

Hearing his voice was like being in one of his films. He told me stories about [high-profile-porn star-turned-mainstream-actress/writer] Sasha Grey and asked me for advice on how he could convince his son to become a drummer too.

All the people in the restaurant were staring at us: At one point he asked me, in his trademark accent, “Ian, what are we going to do with those two MILFs looking at us?’ l was like, “Are you asking me?!”

So yeah, I wasn’t joking when I said it was the best three hours of my life.